Angelina
There is the sun, radiant yet gently inviting itself into the room.
A heart full of anticipation, awaits.
He places the earpiece into my ears;
"Oops, you'll have to put in on yourself, " in his french-accented English.
I put it on.
The creamy resonating sound of the opening rift from Angelina floods into my ears. The A, D, E Dsus2 chord that was the final endless loop that my weary mind clung unto not too many hours ago, before it lost its battle against consciousness and sunk into sleep.
My heart gives a tug and tears fill the lower cusps of my eyes.
"Oh my God," I couldn't breathe, trying hard to cope with neurochemical mayhem. I looked away.
The tears will not ebb and stay stubbornly within their dam, threatening to overflow. I give up.
"Why are you crying?"
"Oh no, it;s ok, they are happy tears."
I set the song on perpetual repeat mode for the rest of the day.
Leaving him in the evening, is always akin to "apres un reve", like waking from a dream.
But I don't wake up yearning of more. It is just right, simply satisfying. I awake, thinking, "Wow, that was nice"
It's just a little spice that makes it even easier to infuse more joy at work, and life.
Dear Lord, Please Crucify Me
I've been an insensitive bastard. If you are willing Father, please strike me with lightning quick.
I worked late today, and called my dearest Taxi Uncle friend if he could pick me up from Cels.
"Oh, sorry, did you wait long?"
'Oh no, I was doing some homework."
"Homework?"
'Oh I'm looking for a house...."
He inquired about my voice, if it had gotten better since, and he told me he just sold his house recently.
"Oh was it a decision made by your wife and yourself?"
"Yeah it was..."
I asked more about the selling of the house, coz I was interested in the math and workings of it all. But he seemed a little tight-lipped than usual, hence I talked a bit about relationships and stuff.
"It's unfortunate but sometimes even after marriage people change. As long as there's no children involved and matters were dealt with in a responsible manner, I feel it perhaps be better to separate."
"My wife just left."
"Sorry?"
"My wife just left".
I wanted to bite my tongue and die on the spot. I didn't know what to say.
Then it all hit me. He asked if I would like to go for a drink sometime back, but I was diagnosed with larygneal nodule then. I was, during that period of time, extremely devastated, but with the support of familiy, teacher and friends, I managed to overcome the psychological and physical challenges. But I couldn't give him my company then.
Then his cryptic selling of the house and his melancholic mood.
I felt truly sorry. But allow me to clarify: I do not apologize for how I view relationships and their transience. I do not believe in clinging on to someone when the person feels that he cannot be happy with you. If I then truly loved the person, I let him or her go, for I am no longer in the position to give the person what he needs. I do not have to possess the person in order to love the person. I should give way for the next person who can truly bring him happiness. To hold on is pure selfishness and cowardice. The pain will be there, but it is merely an information, a neurochemical signal that will ebb away with time. I have enough blessings in my lifetime to bear such signals.
But I feel sorry, that I had to say this to him in such a moment. He doesn't need to hear that from me at all.
I wished that God made my nodule permanent and rendered me speechless for the rest of the year.
He refused payment from me. "It's on the house", he said.
Before I left Cels, I packed a Loaker Cremekakao into my bag, thinking he might need it before he goes for dinner.
"Uncle, I wanted to give this to you earlier; I hope it'll make your heart feel better."
I gave him a hug, "I'm so sorry", and held him for a while.
I watched him as his car pulled away and drove off.
He said very little, but expressed immense pain.
Many of my guys friends have been hitting rough patches in their relationship this year.
I felt again, just a fraction of the pain, when my relationships ended.
Please God, if I could offer them company to help them get through the time better, please allow me to.
